Charisma Carpenter is in The Expendables

August 21st, 2010 - 

It’s been a while since Charisma Carpenter has been in anything that you’ve heard of, but the dry spell has finally been broken.  Not only is she in a headlining movie, The Expendables, but she’s one of the stars of an advertising campaign.  Unfortunately, it’s not a very good advertising campaign.  Butterfinger could have done much better.  Like just a montage of Charisma eating their candy bar.

I’ve been a fan since she was Cordelia, having to keep reminding myself it’s OK, she’s really legal, as she played a high school cheerleader.

But anyways, this movies looks like it could be a hit, though I’m not sure how you can have a movie call The Expendables, fill it with action movie has beens, and not include Steven Seagal.

Butterfinger video and a Charisma Carpenter photo montage after the jump. I advise against watching the other Butterfinger video.  Even though it is Charisma centric, it makes no sense and royally sucks.

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Don’t Shoot the Schlessinger

August 21st, 2010 - 

Not Laura SchlessingerStephen Colbert is one of the funniest people on television, according to a friend of mine.  I enjoy him in small doses.  I did enjoy this segment, because Thomas Jefferson jokes hook me every time. Get a job Cinnabar! Um, I didn’t mean that.  Please don’t make me give up my future radio show.  Cinnabar is one of my favorite colors.  But Belgians, they are a nasty, thieving race, and all I drink is Bud Light, to support Americans.  Fuck yeah! This picture is not Laura Schlessinger.  I do enjoy MILFs, but you have to draw the line somewhere, especially when they have become radioactive.

Video after the break.

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Seaman Ship, Err…

August 20th, 2010 - 

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Now is they had shown me this video, I would have considered. Running away that is.

Chloe Vevrier is Spiritual

August 20th, 2010 - 

I didn’t even know who Chloe Vevrier was until recently, and that is a shame, because she is my kind of girl.  And by that, I mean she has a huge rack, and she likes showing it off.  I find myself drifting closer to the arty, tasteful erotic photography as I get older, appreciating the curves and lines of the female form, the sensuality.  As long as they’ve got the knockers out.

Chloe has a mature, almost spirtual quality about her (she’s into Kaballah.)  She’s not a recent high school dropout looking to make money and party by getting naked (not that there’s anything wrong with that — far from it!)

Here she is in the ever classic Boob Cruise 2006

Finally, Jersey Shore Makes Sense

August 16th, 2010 - 

I have no fucking clue what they are saying, but it appears from this video, that Snooki busted a beer bottle over President Obama’s head in retaliation for his tanning tax. That would make great television!
These CGI cast members are way hotter, not to mention more realistic, than the real people.

This Event Could Be More Amazing, Apparently

August 16th, 2010 - 

And that would be by having a Taiwanese news CGI re-enactment of the story (wherein PETA objected to Dodge using a real chimpanzee, cause, they had been abused in the past and Dodge should know better.  What?)

Tila Tequila Attacked with Feces by Juggalos

August 16th, 2010 - 

The internet is made up of a series of tubes, and some of those tubes are sewer lines.  And sewer lines sometimes get clogged and back up.  When this happens, turds float to the surface, and this seems to be the cause of this news story, featuring multiple turds: Tila Tequila, Juggalos, real feces, and Insane Clown Posse (in order of importance.)

Apparently there is a giant music festival named The Gathering of the Juggalos.  Four days of music that people proud to label themselves Juggalos would enjoy. That sounds like entertainment.  Now I don’t know if having Tila on the bill was a joke or what, but, during her performance, the audience threw rocks, bottles, piss, and feces at her, while chanting “Show us your tits!”  And then when she finally did flash them (you had doubts?) they threw more shit at her.

Here is some “raw” video from Youtube, complete with annoying URL stripe across the screen.  This post has no redeeming features except to warn you of the fact that the Juggalos have their own festival.

And you thought Friday the 13th bad luck was restricted to just Friday…

Toilet Rave

August 12th, 2010 - 

This is some pretty trippy shit. The colors! I imagine this is what orgy crime scenes will look like in the future (CSI: 25th Century.) But isn’t that stuff supposed to be corrosive, and like burn your skin off? Thos guys have it all over their hands! What if it gets on your dick?

One of the comments I read says they thought this was happening in an Army barracks. I hope not, ’cause Sgt Hulka is gonna be mad

How To Avoid Being Fired For Sexual Harassment

August 9th, 2010 - 
  1. Don’t hire Cinemax softcore actresses to work for you.
  2. Get more from your wife so you aren’t tempted to stray.
  3. Hire eunichs (unless that happens to be your particular fetish.)
  4. Hire a former dominatrix to follow you around and dissuade you from bonking employees (unless that also happens to be your fetish.)

Of course if you are going to be fired for sexual harassment, you would be well to do to have a $28 million golden parachute.

This Isn’t A Disaster

October 8th, 2009 - 

But the real movie looks like it is.  And John Cusack looks like a complete wanker in it.  Why can’t they just make Grosse Pointe Blank 2: Second Shot?  It’s the only success he’s had isn’t it?  Have some sexy female criminal mastermind send assassins to kill him while he lives his typical middle class life with Minnie Driver, and their daughter played by Miley Cyrus.  The can team up together fighting evil and learning more about each other and the love they thought they had lost.  You still get explosions and car chases wthout having to resort to crap like this.

But this re-edit looks genius.  I think it’s the bongo music.

2012: THIS IS A DISASTER on Vimeo | ScapeGoats.