This is my 202nd post. You people have severely disappointed me in not assisting on making me rich from this website. I am currently so poor that my parents are evicting me from their unfinished, unheated basement. A homeless man gave me his cheeseburger last night because I looked worse off than him. And now one of the advertising networks is dropping me. I might never get the $15 I’ve earned so far! If I don’t get the money for the penis injections, I’m never gonna make it in the porn business.
Getting Rich on the Internet
September 29th, 2011 -
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Hot and Wet
August 9th, 2010 -
If it’s not raining, it’s so humid out here that it feels like it might be anyways.
Why I ever picked to live in a place that gets to arctic temperatures in the winter, and sauna like temperatures in the summer, I’ll never figure out. It’s certainly not the job market, or the copious amount of entertainment possibilities afforded to us, unless you count shootin’ critters as entertainment.
We need more pictures!
Won’t you please think about the internet viewing public, and send us a scantily clad photo of yourself? What are the odds that you are ever going to run for public office? And if you become a famous celebrity, dirty photos of you floating around just add to your mystique. And if you are a contestant in one of those online competitions to become Miss America, Miss Online Universe, Miss Social 2010, or Miss Whatever 2010, we’ll be happy to toot your horn for you.
Just email them to sexytime@noexitwound.com and we’ll post them.
Reality Show Whores
September 29th, 2009 -
Do disgraced stars cheapen reality shows? Really? I thought reality shows were created by disgraced stars turned whores, for disgraced stars turned whores, and the common people were just trying to horn in on them. Reality shows are here to show us the lowest of the low, and entertain us through ridicule and pity. And whores. Without the whores, you’d lose the guy faction of your market segment. I think they should make a reality show using actual whores, follow them around throughout their day. Hell, you’d probably be able to find a couple johns that would be willing to sign release waivers for a discount that would appear without their faces blocked out. Kevin Federline is calling his agent as we speak. You’d have to call it a documentary though, to get around all those puritans.
Next up would be a porn star reality show. They haven’t done that yet have they? Put it on HBO or Showtime and follow some porn stars around. It would sort of be like that Kardashian show, but you’d get to see the whores actually perform. But not too much, cause they want you to buy the film that’s tied in that week. Put a couple male pornstars on there too and have them act like they have feelings so the chicks want to watch it. Instant in to getting a girl you want to mount into watching porn. I’m a frickin’ genius! Pretty soon she’ll be open to wanting to mimic the positions of the actors on the screen (“Do people really do that honey?” I don’t know, lets try and find out…) I hope some cable TV exec is reading this (yeah right) and goes off and makes this so I can get lucky soon, cause telling chicks I’m a blogger hasn’t gotten me any anal so far.
Why Yes, I WILL Be Your Daddy!
September 24th, 2009 -
Drunken Stepfather is my hero. I don’t know how he gets chicks to send him pictures like he does, but I’d like to k
now. If I can’t get rich posting stupid shit on a blog on the internet, I’d at least like to get trashy pictures sent to me for my viewing pleasure. The masturbation takes my mind off the lack of funds.
So if you’d like to send me tacky, trashy, sexy, or pornographic images of yourself, go right ahead. Just make sure that: 1) You are female, and 2) there is no two. Just be female, or female enough I won’t suspect anything. If you are two females, that would be even better. Send your pictures to submissions@noexitwound.com
Oh, and make sure you follow him on Twitter, just like you follow me. K?
He Thinks He’ll Keep Her
September 24th, 2009 -
So the other night my wife was bitching about my drinking lately. Once I noticed she was talking to me and started listening, I told her to lay off, that it was Drunk Thursday and I wasn’t hurting anybody. “It’s Tuesday, you idiot!” she screamed at me, and continued on, I think recounting my most recent list of failures in her eyes (hey, I didn’t realize you couldn’t shoot at ducks with a paintball gun whenever you wanted. besides, they looked bored.) Meanwhile, I went back to plotting my revenge.
But my fantasies of revenge against her always to turn sexy, and then they just plain turn to sex, and maybe a little bit of lesbianism, 
and she usually ends up coming out happier and better satisfied at the end of the fantasy than when I started. So I guess I do love her.
Ranting
September 3rd, 2009 -
I have a friend who rants endlessly, and he’s good at it. Whenever I hear him, or even read one of his ranting texts, I imagine Daria’s dad, with his bursting blood vessel eye. But then my mind wanders back yo my youth, a simpler time, when I could jerk off to Quinn and Brittney, waiting for MTV to finally show a music video, and not feel like a pervert.
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