No Exit Wound» News

Kat Dennings Thinks You Are a Sicko

Monte — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 17:38:19 +0000

You probably are a sicko, so I don’t really see what the problem is. She seems surprised that people would tune into her show just to ogle her in that uniform. I don’t think Polyester has ever looked that good.

She also says, and I quote

I used to dress, and I still kind of do dress like a big schlep sack, because I don’t like people looking at my ta-tas, but on the show, I try to look flattering.

Well Kat, they are one fine looking burden to bare.

Kat Dennings Addresses Those Comments About Her ‘2 Broke Girls’ Uniform | Access Hollywood – Celebrity News, Photos & Videos.

I Suggest This Be Settled With Mud Wrestling

Monte — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 18:24:39 +0000

Hooters is charging a “rival” restaurant, Twin Peaks, with stealing it’s trade secrets. What sort of trade secrets could they possess? They serve up beer, sort of digestible food, and have it served by girls in skimpy outfits who weren’t brave enough to pursue their dream of being discovered by Hollywood.

I guess Twin Peaks (which, you have to admit, is a great name,) has hired away quite a few former Hooters management people, such as Lexi here, to help them expand.

If they asked me for suggestions, I’d tell them to drop the subtlety from their menu selections and employee uniforms. Hooters are just strip clubs for religious people anyways.

I remember when Wendy’s first went nationwide and the copycats came in. They sued Sandy’s out of business, but Cindy’s was just different enough (they didn’t have fake newspaper printing on their tables) that they couldn’t get rid of them through the legal system. Mysteriously, their restaurant burned down one night. Don’t get any ideas, Hooters…

Hooters Lawsuit Claims Rival Restaurant Stole ‘Trade Secrets’.

Hop On Pop

Monte — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 13:44:17 +0000

I have refused to watch the new Two and a Half Men. I absolutely can’t stand Ashton Kutcher. He started wearing thin on That 70′s Show, and it’s been balls to the wall downhill ever since.

Not surprisingly, he cheats on Demi, and his favorite line is we’re separated, we just haven’t made it public. And everyone knows that blondes believe anything, especially if it comes out of the mouth of a star.

This blonde, Sara Leal, allegedly decided that her giving it up to a douchebag should be worth a quarter of a million dollars, and when he didn’t pay, she made it public. I think in your country, that is called blackmail. She is now talking to her lawyers about her legal options. Legal Options? There are legal options for when you sleep with a married man and he won’t pay you? I might be in trouble…

Sara Leal Bikini Picture – poponthepop.com.

What Are Eyegore Awards?

Monte — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 14:40:14 +0000

One of the nice things about B grade horror movies is they usually feature chicks with big tits that want to show them off. Based on the title of this news article, I thought this would be a bunch of them walking the red carpet and hopefully pulling the occasional Nancy Grace ( I see you brought the twins!.) But after looking through them, I’m starting to suspect that the Eyegore Awards are really something to celebrate gay nerds. And I looked at every single photo. Except the last three which wouldn’t even load. I think some higher power might have just saved my life. I was audibly sobbing by #67. To save you some pain (unless you are into that,) here are the highlights of what you will miss by not clicking through:

One! one fake plastic blonde with implants
David Arquette
A gay vampire supporting actor
Jamie Kennedy
a couple girls who I think were on television in the 90′s
a guy who I would have bet money on being that gay porn star who got beheaded, but turned out to be Corey Feldman. Corey Fucking Feldman
Rob Zombie
Rob Zombie’s wife, who is hotter then I expected, and doesn’t have Caucasian dreadlocks.

So instead, this post has a picture of Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics, who is both more horrifying and sexier than all of these other pictures combined.

2011 Eyegore Awards Pictures – Monsters and Critics.

Christina Hendricks Really, Really Wants To Be Wonder Woman

Monte — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 13:52:47 +0000

The whole article is about how Christina used to wear Wonder Woman Underoos, and how much she wants to play Wonder Woman, which I think is the greatest idea evar. Even though I am a misogynist that sexual-izes her along with all woman, I respect her acting acumen, her personality, and her values.

Now excuse me while I try and dive face first into her cleavage through my monitor and dream about ripping those underoos off of her.

Christina Hendricks Really, Really Wants To Be Wonder Woman | The Frisky.

Things To Do Instead of Have a Sex Life

Monte — Thu, 12 May 2011 13:53:37 +0000

The Zombie Research Society has declared that May be Zombie Awareness Month. And we should remain vigilant and train our children up in the ways of the zombie hunter. Yeah. I’ve included a helpful info-graphic to assist you.

ZOMBIE RESEARCH SOCIETY®.

Stay Off the Crack

Monte — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:48:30 +0000

Wait, when he says crack, is he talking drugs, or is that some sort of sex jargon? And is chocolate milk code for something? Who in their right mind would invite Charlie Sheen to give an anti-drug message to anyone? What next, a special video conference with Charles Manson to preach non-violence? Lindsay Lohan speaking about financial stewardship?

You have to hand it to the guy though. I mean, here,after the jump, are just a handful of the girls he has banged. I guess he is a role-model after all.

Charlie Sheen Anti-Drug Speech to UCLA Bruin Baseball Team: No On Crack, Yes On Chocolate Milk | TMZ.com.

She Sings, Too?

Monte — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 17:13:23 +0000

Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem (America, Fuck Yeah!) before the SuperBowl, but she got the words wrong. What is she doing trying to become a singer now? She should be concentrating on her looks before they start to run downhill and she has to release the sex tape (please God, don’t let it be with that troll Bratman.)

If she had stood facing away from the crowd like this, no one would have even noticed. Plus she could have lip synced and not worried about screwing up.

Ugh.

Monte — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 00:15:05 +0000

We’ll be right back after we clean this mess up…

A Hot Redhead Starts Things Off.

Sherilyn Fenn is Talented

Monte — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 23:55:28 +0000

Sherilyn Finn owes $196,000 in back taxes to a bunch of different agencies. I think if she just visited them and demonstrated this talent in person, that would cut at least $200 off the tab, don’t you think? If she went on tour, she’d probably be able to pay it off in cash. I’d pay $200 to see one of my teen jerk-off dreams do that in person.

DETNEWS | Weblogs | Tax Watchdog.