No Exit Wound

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News, Photo

Cake Boss Star Arrested

August 26th, 2010 -

Cake Boss star Remy Gonzalez arrested over allegations he sexually assaulted a minor | Mail Online.

Tags:

Cake Boss, New Jersey, pastry, Remy Gonzalez, Sexual assault, TLC

Remy Gonzalez, brother-in-law of Cake Boss head Buddy Valastro, was arrested August 18th on allegations he sexually assaulted a minor and endangered the welfare of a child. That last charge troubles me. I hope he just boinked some 17 year old that lied about her age.

TLC says that they stand behind him. Way, way behind him apparently since he’s now gone from the bios on the show’s website.

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I Know What You Are, But What Am I? A Blogger Apparently

August 25th, 2010 -

Pee-wee Herman: My First Blog! My First Tattoo! My First Donut Burger!.

Tags:

jackin it, kids these days, Paul Reubens, Pee-wee Herman

Pee-wee Herman is back and now a blogger. It’s part of his multi-pronged attack on the American public. He’s opening a show on Broadway, has an interview in Playboy in September, the blog, and Funny or Die! videos.

And people are still hung up on him getting busted with his junk out at an adult theater 20 years ago. Don’t kids these days realize we didn’t have DVDs, much less the internet?

I think it’s a perfect time for a comeback. Kids these days don’t remember him, and middle aged people feel nostalgic about him. Plus, he’s got his “edge” back.

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An Answer To The Breast/Boob/Funbag Question

August 24th, 2010 -

An Answer To The Breast/Boob/Funbag Question.

Tags:

boobies, Bristols, chesticles, jubblies, knockers, poll, titties

One of the things that is more fun than talking about boobies is listening to women talk about boobies. Last week, Jezebel held a poll looking for the preferred term, and boobs won (don’t boobs always win, really?)

I’m also happy the jubblies made the list, though chesticles just sounds wrong. And angry sack of rabbits? Really?

But I may start using the term Bristols. Just sayin.

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Rock Death Abounds

August 23rd, 2010 -

British singer Charles Haddon apparently commits suicide at rock festival | EW.com.

Tags:

Death, Pukkelpop, Rock Suicides, Suicide

What a weekend in rock! Ou Est Le Swimming Pool frontman Charles Haddon , and a concertgoer in California both committed suicide.

Haddon apparently feared that he had seriously injured a female fan after a sudden stage dive the previous day at the Pukkelpop Festival in Belgium. So he climbed to the top of a satellite mast and jumped off, either from remorse, or wanting to prevent the band from incurring a lawsuit (what?)

Michael Edward Pickels, however, just seems to be a crazy who decide to jump off a roof during a winery festival in San Jose. Maybe The Swell Season is that bad, I’m not sure, never heard them.

And in related death news, Michael Been of The Call, had a heart attack and died backstage at the Pukkelpop Festival also. His son, Robert Levon, is frontman for Black Rebel Motorcylce Club, and he was their sound man.

Did anything good happen this weekend?

Michael Been of The Call dies

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Emma Stone is Easy

August 23rd, 2010 -

Emma Stone: New ‘Easy A’ Poster! | Alyson Michalka, Emma Stone | Just Jared Jr. – JJJ.

Tags:

adultery, Amanda Bynes, Emma Stone, Hester Prynne, movies, redhead, sin

New Emma Stone movie, in which she turns the tale of Hester Prynne on her head. Advantages: Redhead and Amanda Bynes (who has managed to make it to adulthood without rehab or a breakdown.)

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Heart Needs Protection From Palin Supporters

August 22nd, 2010 -

Heart – Heart Still Angry Over Palin Scandal – Contactmusic News.

Tags:

aarp members, Barracuda, Heart, I'd hit it, Sarah Palin, teabaggers

Ann and Nancy Wilson had to improve their security after they complained about Sarah Palin using their song Barracuda during her campaign. People actually threatened harm to the sisters because of this. Do they realize that this is two little old ladies, both who are AARP members? And over something as silly as, I don’t know, complaining about someone misappropriating their property? What do you think these teabaggers would do if someone tried to take their property without permission? Probably complain about how they are being discriminated against, either way.

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Don’t Shoot the Schlessinger

August 21st, 2010 -

Tags:

Belgians, Bud Light, Cinnabar, Freedom of Speech, Laura Schlessinger, MILFs, race, radio show, Sally Hemmings, Stephen Colbert, Thomas Jefferson

Stephen Colbert is one of the funniest people on television, according to a friend of mine. I enjoy him in small doses. I did enjoy this segment, because Thomas Jefferson jokes hook me every time. Get a job Cinnabar! Um, I didn’t mean that. Please don’t make me give up my future radio show. Cinnabar is one of my favorite colors. But Belgians, they are a nasty, thieving race, and all I drink is Bud Light, to support Americans. Fuck yeah! This picture is not Laura Schlessinger. I do enjoy MILFs, but you have to draw the line somewhere, especially when they have become radioactive.

Video after the break.

(more…)

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News, Video

An Iron Maiden Walks Into a Bar…

August 20th, 2010 -

$3275 Bar Tab of the Day — The Daily What

Tags:

bar tab, Bruce Dickinson, Christopher Walken, Iron Maiden, More cowbell, Norway, Polly Peanotter

Did you know that Iron Maiden just released their 15th album? I thought they were all dead! And that Bruce Dickinson guy needs to do a better job of looking like Christopher Walken.

This is a picture of their bar tab in Norway. What kind of socialist money do they use in Norway? And what is a Polly Peanøtter (pretend that ‘O’ has a slash through it. WTF?)

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Tila Tequila Attacked with Feces by Juggalos

August 16th, 2010 -

Tags:

Feces, Gathering of the Juggalos, Insane Clown Posse, series of tubes, sewer lines, Tila Tequila, turds

The internet is made up of a series of tubes, and some of those tubes are sewer lines. And sewer lines sometimes get clogged and back up. When this happens, turds float to the surface, and this seems to be the cause of this news story, featuring multiple turds: Tila Tequila, Juggalos, real feces, and Insane Clown Posse (in order of importance.)

Apparently there is a giant music festival named The Gathering of the Juggalos. Four days of music that people proud to label themselves Juggalos would enjoy. That sounds like entertainment. Now I don’t know if having Tila on the bill was a joke or what, but, during her performance, the audience threw rocks, bottles, piss, and feces at her, while chanting “Show us your tits!” And then when she finally did flash them (you had doubts?) they threw more shit at her.

Here is some “raw” video from Youtube, complete with annoying URL stripe across the screen. This post has no redeeming features except to warn you of the fact that the Juggalos have their own festival.

And you thought Friday the 13th bad luck was restricted to just Friday…